I'd encourage you to listen to the song and read through the lyrics before diving into the post.

BOTH: Before I left for college, my mom told me
Beth: Study hard
Micah: Read ya Bible
Beth: Don’t get pregnant
Micah: Don’t you bring home no White girl…
She was joking
Beth: Of course she was joking
Micah: It’s not like moms is racist or nothin’

Beth Before I left for college my dad told me
Don’t fall in love with anyone you’re ashamed to introduce to your parents
I remember my dad sinking into the couch to watch local news
He said
“Black Lives Matter is a terrorist organization”
He said he was joking

Micah: Was he joking?

Both: Don’t fall in love with anyone you’re ashamed to introduce to your parents

Micah: The freedom to fall in love with whoever I fall in love with would be nice
But every time I’m attracted to a light-skinned woman
I have to check my self-hatred
Would I fall for a darker version of her too?
Light complexion is not a virtue
Should not be a plus

Beth: Every time I’m attracted to a man with dark skin
I have to check my self hatred
Do I have a fetish? Because I do want to touch his hair
My skin feels like a ghost under the sheets my ancestors wore

Micah: Then one of my Black homies said,
“bruh, if you keep talkin’ all this pro-Black stuff
And marry a White girl, you lose all credibility ”

Beth: Then one of my White friends said,
“girl, you could never love a Black man while your understanding of Blackness is just a hypothesis.”

Both: And I knew they were wrong
And I knew they were right

Micah: But love is a hill worth dying on
And If I date a White woman
She needs to understand
I will never lecture Black women for feeling abandoned
For hoping someone outside of themselves would love them
For expecting those someones to be the sons they gave life
And if my White girlfriend can’t tell the difference between
My heartbroken mother and her racist father
She was never gonna last anyway
She was bound to leave when she realized my penis wasn’t any bigger
And her fantasies were just that
If you wanna date Black don’t expect applause

Beth: But love is a hill worth dying on
I know an interracial relationship is not going to cure racism
Not even internally
I’m screaming Black is beautiful
I’m really just screaming I’m not racist
Just so everyone knows
I’m not racist
I’m not racist
BUT
What if I am?
What if I don’t say the right thing?
What if I actually say the wrong thing?
Because it’s tradition to say I don’t, but I do see color
And I’m trying to see it better
If I fall in love with a Black guy I hope he understands
I’m trying

Both: Because it’s love that makes me want to understand our differences, not erase them

Beth: But I forgot this isn’t a love poem

Micah: This isn’t a love poem
This is all hypothetical
Love is a hill worth dying on
But there’s a gap between theory and practice

Both: I might chicken out
Micah: I might accidently-on-purpose stop holdin’ your hand in a room full of Blackness
Beth: I might not introduce you to my parents... not now, not yet

Both: I might let racism and its effects keep me from loving you right
But I could never be ashamed of you
I’ll be ashamed of myself

11 - A Hill Worth Dying On (FT Beth May)

Even for those who believe racism is a problem in America, few Americans believe that they themselves are racist. A lot of younger Americans however will readily admit that their parents, grandparents, uncles or aunties have prejudice views. Whether you believe that you or your family is racist or not, engaging in an interracial romance is one of the most revealing experiences you can have. Most people who do not believe they have any sort of racial prejudice do not think they would have a problem with being in an interracial relationship. Speaking from experiences of myself and friends, interracial relationships forces you to confront deeply rooted prejudice in your own heart and in your family/community. It is particularly confronting for younger people who seem to disagree so strongly with their parents on racial issues. You begin to realize that the people who raised you inevitably had a deep impact on your thinking and subconscious assumptions. This poem, “A Hill Worth Dying On” repeats the phrase “Don’t fall in love with anyone you’re ashamed to introduce to your parents”. That line is tricky and changes meaning throughout the poem. At first it seems logical to be ashamed to introduce your partner of a different ethnicity to parents with archaic views on race, but in situations like this, you begin to realize, maybe the blame does not lie on the parents or other disapproving friends or family. Could there possibly be prejudice in your own heart that is causing the hesitation? Or at the very least ,cowardice that is unwilling to stand against prejudice. After all, if you’re in a healthy, loving relationship but ashamed to introduce someone to your parents, maybe the problem is within. Maybe you subconsciously bow to views you consciously reject, or maybe you realize you agree with them.

Micah: The freedom to fall in love with whoever I fall in love with would be nice
But every time I’m attracted to a light-skinned woman
I have to check my self-hatred
Would I fall for a darker version of her too?
Light complexion is not a virtue
Should not be a plus

Beth: Every time I’m attracted to a man with dark skin
I have to check my self hatred
Do I have a fetish? Because I do want to touch his hair
My skin feels like a ghost under the sheets my ancestors wore

Micah: Then one of my Black homies said,
“bruh, if you keep talkin’ all this pro-Black stuff
And marry a White girl, you lose all credibility ”

Beth: Then one of my White friends said,
“girl, you could never love a Black man while your understanding of Blackness is just a hypothesis.”

Both: And I knew they were wrong
And I knew they were right

Is it natural to have physical trait preferences when it comes to dating? Is it wrong to prefer tall or short, voluptuous or petite, asian, arab, latin, black or white? Is there a way to have a particular interest in one people group without fetishizing them and discriminating against others? Maybe, but so often our preferences are heavily influenced by prejudice cultural standards of beauty. As discussed in the song “Kissed”, after centuries of white supremacist brainwashing, lighter skinned people are considered more attractive in America and other nations that have been victims of European colonization. Also, among many different ethnicities, dating outside of your particular heritage is frowned upon. This causes some to discriminate against those who aren’t in their ethnic group when looking for a partner, while causing others to seek partners outside of their ethnic group, not out of love, but immature rebellion, out of a selfish desire for forbidden fruit instead of a genuine appreciation of another person and their culture. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you date, what matters is why. Check your motivation. “Every time I’m attracted to light-skinned woman, I have to check my self-hatred”. Do I find her fair skin and flowing hair beautiful because I feel a connection to her as an individual, and appreciate all of who she is? Or do I find her fair skin and flowing hair beautiful because I appreciate all of who she is not, namely a dark-skinned, coarse haired person who I’ve been brainwashed to find unattractive?

Beth May, the co-author of this poem has to check her self-hatred for different reasons. As a white woman, the black man is the exotic other. The ultimate forbidden fruit. As most things forbidden, that usually creates more curiosity, but is it a genuine curiosity, or, as Beth asks herself, “do I have a fetish”? Beth also alludes to feelings of white guilt when considering an interracial romance. In some ways, for white women, white guilt can make dating a black man more appealing, as white men are considered the ultimate oppressor by many. If a white woman habitually dates black men or other minorities, could this be an expression of self-hate? Could it be more out of disgust towards the men in her own culture? But as a white person, Beth has also benefits from white privilege. She wrestles with whether or not she even deserves to love a minority? Does she have a right to love a black person romantically? It is true that in America, interracial relationships often feel the burden of all of U.S. history, slavery, lynchings, the KKK, segregation and so on. Beth explains “my skin feels like a ghost under the sheets my ancestors wore”. At different points in our lives, Beth and I have been told we shouldn’t consider an interracial relationship due to all the complexity. Our response? “I knew they were wrong. I knew they were right”. It is naive to think loving someone from a different culture (especially in America) will be easy. Our friends are both right and wrong. Right in recognizing that it will be incredibly difficult, wrong in suggesting that we shouldn’t do it, because love is a hill worth dying on.

Micah: But love is a hill worth dying on
And If I date a White woman
She needs to understand
I will never lecture Black women for feeling abandoned
For hoping someone outside of themselves would love them
For expecting those someones to be the sons they gave life
And if my White girlfriend can’t tell the difference between
My heartbroken mother and her racist father
She was never gonna last anyway
She was bound to leave when she realized my penis wasn’t any bigger
And her fantasies were just that
If you wanna date Black don’t expect applause

Interracial relationships between any two people from different cultures can be challenging, but in the American context, there is something particularly challenging about black men in romantic relationships with white women. This seems to be the most common as well as most controversial type of interracial relationship. The poem began with a real quote from my mother. “Before I left for college my mom told me… ‘don’t bring home no white girl’”. Black women are often bothered, saddened or even angered when they see black men dating white women. On the surface level, this may look like hatred of white women, but it most definitely is not. There are many reasons why the feelings of hurt are not hate. First, in America, the white woman is seen as the epitome of beauty. Black women are taught by culture that they are inferior, less attractive, and less desirable as partners than white women. Because white traits are seen as beautiful, black girls will often straighten their coarse hair, avoid the sun at all costs out of fear of getting darker etc. Some black women overcome these beliefs and recognize the lies they were taught, but they still exist in a culture in which people act as if those lies are true. It is particularly hurtful when black men seem to be operating under the influence of the lies. Because of the frequency of occurrence, it seems that black men, by often dating white women, are affirming the idea that white women are more attractive and superior partners. Now, is it possible for a black man to appreciate the beauty of black women and just so happen to fall in love with a white woman? Of course, but if he is aware of the complexities of history and culture, he will be sensitive to the fact that his relationship with a white woman could remind black women of the deeply rooted lies that have caused them so much pain. This is why I say, “If I date a white woman, she needs to understand, I will never lecture black women for feeling abandoned. For hoping someone outside of themselves would love them. For expecting those someones to be the sons they gave life.” Some might ask, why are black women so possessive of black men, why are they so exclusive in their dating practices, why don’t black women just date white men and men from other cultures? Why do black women feel like white women are stealing their men? One reason for this is that white men rarely show interest in dating black women. Black women are seldom approached by any other people group besides black men, and even black men are doing so less frequently. Black women hope, but are beginning to expect less and less, that at the very least, black men, their own people, will appreciate the beauty of the black woman. All of this and more went into my mother’s words, “don’t bring home no white girl”. This is not about hating white women at all. It is about a black woman hoping her son chooses a black woman as a partner, and thereby affirming the beauty of his partner, his mother, and all black women who’ve been told they are not beautiful because they are not like white women. At its core, that is a positive desire and fundamentally different from a white parent who doesn’t want his daughter marrying a black man because he believes the racist stereotypes about black men. “If my white girlfriend can’t tell the difference between my heartbroken mother and her racist father, she was never gonna last anyway.”

Another thing that makes interracial relationships between black men and white women particularly challenging are the myths surrounding black male sexuality. In U.S. history, black men were demonized as beasts with overgrown penises and uncontrollable sexual desires. This was used to discourage white women from engaging with black men, and justified the lynching of black men who had any contact with white women, sometimes even just a look could lead to death. “Because men of color are ruled by the flesh and not the mind, white control of their darker bodies is justified, to ensure, protect, and advance civilization. And how was this control maintained? Black men as sexual predators were controlled by lynching and castration (De LaTorre 46).” As time went on however, this myth of the black male rapist morphed into something its inventors never intended. The fear of rape was replaced by the fantasy of a black man with a super penis and exceptional sexual abilities. In his book “A Lily Among Thorns: Imagining A New Christian Sexuality” De La Torre writes “ Euro-Americans have historically been taught, through images in popular culture, that males of color are overly sexualized beings who invoke both fascination with and fear of their prowess. We’ve all heard about the exploits of hot blooded latin-lovers, or the locker room remarks about the larger size of the black penis when compared to that of whites (although statistically speaking, all penises, regardless of color, are on average about the same length when flaccid: 4.8 inches) (De La Torre 40)”. Because of these myths, white women are often intrigued by black men. Black men as well occasionally capitalize off of the fantasies about them to gain sexual partners. The only way an interracial relationship can be beautiful is if it is free of such lies. There is nothing sexy about someone being attracted to you due to sexual fantasy rooted in racism. Black men ought to respect themselves too much to engage in relationships with white women looking to fulfill a fantasy and taste a forbidden fruit. A woman like that “was bound to leave when she realized my penis wasn’t any bigger, and her fantasies were just that. If you wanna date black don’t expect applause.” When I say, “if you wanna date black, don’t expect applause,” I don’t meant to discourage interracial dating. I’m encouraging people to have realistic ideas about it. To understand just how difficult it is. Relationships are hard enough as is. Interracial relationships add another layer of complexity. This of course is worth it if you are in love, but if you choose an interracial relationship, you must be willing to be patient, to learn, to not make quick judgements and to confront the prejudice still inside you.

Beth: But love is a hill worth dying on
I know an interracial relationship is not going to cure racism
Not even internally
I’m screaming Black is beautiful
I’m really just screaming I’m not racist
Just so everyone knows
I’m not racist
I’m not racist
BUT
What if I am?
What if I don’t say the right thing?
What if I actually say the wrong thing?
Because it’s tradition to say I don’t, but I do see color
And I’m trying to see it better
If I fall in love with a Black guy I hope he understands
I’m trying

As Beth points out, “an interracial relationship is not going to cure racism, not even internally.” You can be in a relationship with someone from a different people group and still be racist towards that people group, but an interracial relationship will certainly help you appear to be against racism. Sadly, many Americans are more concerned with not appearing racist than they are with actually uprooting the racist beliefs deep in their hearts. Beth again questions her motivation not only in considering an interracial relationship, but also in her basic advocacy. When you align yourself with the causes of oppressed people, is it due to true conviction leading to action and life change, or is it a superficial desire to not be seen as ignorant? Beth is torn, “I’m scared that when I’m screaming black is beautiful
I’m really just screaming I’m not racist! Just so everyone knows, I’m not racist! I’m not racist!” This posture of self-reflection is healthy and necessary when navigating the troubled waters of race and interracial dating. Beth worries “what if I don’t say the right thing? What if I actually say the wrong thing”? To be honest, if you ever find yourself in an interracial relationship, you will say and do the wrong thing from time to time. What’s important is humility and resilience. Don’t be too proud to admit mistakes, and don’t give up hope. Interracial dating is a challenge, but love is a hill worth dying on.

Both: Because it’s love that makes me want to understand our differences, not erase them

Beth: But I forgot this isn’t a love poem

Micah: This isn’t a love poem
This is all hypothetical
Love is a hill worth dying on
But there’s a gap between theory and practice

Both: I might chicken out
Micah: I might accidently-on-purpose stop holdin’ your hand in a room full of Blackness
Beth: I might not introduce you to my parents... not now, not yet

Both: I might let racism and its effects keep me from loving you right
But I could never be ashamed of you
I’ll be ashamed of myself

People who are truly in love are proud to be together. Healthy interracial couples should also be proud. If you find yourself feeling ashamed of your partner due to their color and culture, the problem is within. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, and work towards ridding yourself of the prejudice in your own heart.

Grace and Peace,

Micah

11 - A Hill Worth Dying On (FT Beth May)

Chris Cambell